


You remind me of trust

by LamiaDusk



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Cheating, Drinking, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mild Smut, Misunderstandings, Self-Insert, So much angst, all of the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 05:15:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18934192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LamiaDusk/pseuds/LamiaDusk
Summary: The apprentice overhears snippets of a conversation between Asra and Muriel... and completely misinterprets what she hears.





	You remind me of trust

I thought I had known pain before. Dying from the plague, getting captured by the Devil, fighting the courtiers… but I had been so blissfully ignorant of what pain actually felt like. The feeling of having one‘s whole self shattered to tiny pieces, the deep gashes of betrayal making one‘s soul bleed out until there was nothing left but an empty husk.  
I remember the day clearly. The day where it all came falling down, destroying the illusion of peace I had built up after the threat of the Devil had been eradicated. 

I just came back to the shop from a small errand that Asra had sent me on. Now that I was living with Muriel in that little cabin in the forest, I wasn‘t at the shop nearly as much as I should have been, but I was still a part of it nonetheless.  
I entered the main room, only to find it empty, and to hear voices whispering from the other side of the curtain that led to the room where Asra and I usually did our readings. And at first, I thought that‘s what the whispering was. Asra talking to a customer. But then, an all-too familiar gravelly voice softly said:„She mustn‘t know about this. I still need some time to prepare before I tell her.“  
„That goes without saying. Don‘t worry, she won‘t hear anything from me.“  
I carefully snuck closer and peeked through the curtains, seeing Muriel and Asra sit at the table. Just as I approached, they got up and hugged.  
„Soon, it will be over. Trust me, the anxiety beforehand is the worst of it.“  
„I‘m… kind of afraid of how she might react.“  
„I wouldn‘t worry too much about that. Come on, she‘ll be back any minute now.“  
My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach, and I felt sick. Surely I just misunderstood. Did I? For a moment, I felt like I couldn‘t breathe, the rising tears tightening my throat. I carefully placed the basket with the items Asra had me get onto the counter and left the shop.

It was already evening, and though it was summer and the heat during the day was overwhelming, there was now a noticable chill in the air as the sun disappeared behind the horizon.  
I did not know where to go. I just wanted to get away from the disturbing implications of what I heard.  
So I just walked onward, through narrow alleys and over abandoned bridges. I was pulling my shawl tighter around my shoulders. It was dark green, like the scarf I had bought for Muriel. That day seemed to be so far away now. I had bought that shawl specifically because it matched Muriel‘s scarf. I would probably have to burn it once I found a place to stay while I figured things out.  
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it just bobbed up again as the tears streamed down my face.  
Look at me, I thought self-loathingly. Great hero of Vesuvia… brought down to her knees by being dumped.  
I turned another corner and found myself at the Rowdy Raven. Maybe alcohol was just what I needed right now.

I entered the small, dimly lit taproom and found a corner booth where I could safely retreat and drown my sorrows in whatever constituted as booze in this place.  
I flagged down a waitress and ordered some rum. Once it was brought to me, I drained it almost in one fell swoop and ordered another one. And then another one. By the fifth glass, I couldn‘t see straight anymore. I was just sobbing into the sleeve of my shirt, leaving a dark trail of tears, snot and drool on the white fabric. In my haste, I had spilled almost half of that last glass onto my chest.  
I only snapped out of my pity-party when I felt someone touch my shoulders.  
„Cora? Hey, Cora! What‘s wrong with you? Granted, I haven‘t known you for that long, but you never seemed the type to just get drunk on a whim.“  
I looked up, and through the blurr of my drunkenness, recognized an eyepatch and a head of auburn hair.  
„Oh hey Jules“, I slurred. „Come to break my heart, too? Seems to be in fashion, nowadays. Why don‘t you sit down with me and have a drink? The rum here tastes like piss but it gets you drunk like nothin‘ else.“  
„Break your heart? What are you talking about?“ He slid into the booth next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and leaning over to me.  
„I‘m talking about that cheating, good-for-nothing, holier-than-thou bastard Muriel who has appearantly been fucking Asra behind my back while acting all shy and innocent towards me.“ I raised my voice, though it was barely coherent at this point. „Waitress! Bring two more rum for me and my friend here, will‘ya?“  
„Is that what I sounded like when I was in that kind of state?“, Julian asked, though the question was probably more directed to himself than to me. „Cora, I think you‘ve had quite enough rum for tonight. Let me help you get back to the shop, and I‘m sure we can shed some light on the situation.“  
„Fuck the shop“, I said breathlessly. „And anyone in it, too! I‘ll never set foot into that rathole again.“  
Julian looked around and sighed, appearantly acknowledging that arguing with me in this state would be wasted breath. „Okay. I‘ll… I‘ll take you to the palace, then. I‘m sure Nadia and Pasha won‘t mind you staying with them while you calm down and think about your next step.“  
I managed a small giggle. „At least I can rely on them. And you, of course. You and your sister are the best friend an unlovable carcass like me could have.“  
He helped me up, threw a satchel with the money for my drinks to the waitress and then led me out of the bar.

The trip to the palace was a blur. I was constantly mumbling curses that would have made a hardened sailor blush, and Julian, being the amazing guy he is, silently put up with the endless stream of slurred profanities.  
The guards let us through as we reached the bridge, and as we walked over it, I saw the distinct movement of the vampire eel in the water.  
„Do you think the eel is hungry?“, I asked, strangely fascinated by the thought of just jumping in the water. Surely being completely drained of blood wouldn‘t hurt too much, would it?  
„Not on my watch.“ Julian pulled me tighter to his side. „Come on, now.“  
But I was twisting my neck as far as I could, still following the graceful movement of the eel‘s white body.  
„Ilya! What on earth happened to Cora?“  
That was Portia‘s voice. Sweet, supportive Portia. I gave her a lazy grin as she approached, one that probably looked a tad more disconcerting that it was meant to be, since my face was still flushed red from crying and being drunk, and also probably covered in snot.  
„Something happened at the shop, and now Cora would like to stay at the palace for a while. If that‘s okay with Nadia, of course.“ Bless Julian for not mentioning what I had said. „I found her like this at the Rowdy Raven. From what she told me, she really had a rough night.“  
„Then come. I‘m sure Milady… I‘m sure Nadia will be more than willing to let Cora stay for a while.“

Nadia was just as abhorred as Portia when she saw the state I was in. She urged me to sit next to her on one of the plushy couches in one of the many, many rooms in the palace. At some point, I just let myself drop to the side and closed my eyes.  
„What happend?“, Nadia asked in a hushed voice.  
„Appearantly, she found out that Muriel isn‘t entirely faithful to her. Which I don‘t quite believe. He doesn‘t seem to be the type to sleep around. But… well, Cora also doesn‘t seem to be the type to just get blackout drunk to escape her problems.“  
„Muriel and cheating? That can‘t be.“ Portia looked devastated.  
„Maybe one of us should have a word with our dear friend from the forest“, Nadia said. „While I also find it quite unbelievable that Muriel would be anything but entirely devoted to her, I also don‘t believe that Cora would drink herself into a stupor over nothing.“ She rubbed her temples. „Portia, be a dear and have a room prepared for her. And a fresh set of clothes. Oh, and a bucket. She looks like she‘ll need it.“

A little later, Julian managed to drag me up to the room I had occupied during my investigation that led up to me… no, I didn‘t want to think about him right now.  
During the night, I woke up multiple times, just to vomit into the bucket and then fall back into a restless sleep. In my dreams, I felt Asra reaching out to me. Probably because I seemingly never returned from that errand and he had the audacity to act worried, while also fucking my lover behind my back. I blocked him out every single time he tried.  
I kept waking up and vomiting until nothing but bile came out and my mouth tasted like I had chewed on a plague beetle. Once the sun was up, a servant brought me a special tea that was supposed to help with the hangover. It did help, but it didn‘t completely fight off the splitting headache.  
Despite the tea, I felt weak and dehydrated. My throat was burning from all of the stomach acid I had coughed up during the night. Carefully, I lifted myself from the bed and got dressed, casting my dirty clothes aside. I really couldn‘t be bothered to hang them up right now.  
Good thing I knew the way down to the dining hall by now.

Nadia was already sitting at the head of the table. She smiled gently when she saw me approach.  
„Good morning, Cora. I see you had quite a wild night.“  
I mumbled something affirmative and sat down next to her, taking fruit and fresh, warm bread and whatever else I could fit on my plate. Now that I was somewhat concious again, I felt the tears return. I tried to swallow them, but whenever I opened my mouth to take a bite, they threatened to leave the confines of my eyes and make their way down my face. I did not want to cry. I had cried enough last night. If I started again, I would never be able to stop. I would cry and cry until I dissolved in my own tears.  
Nadia reached over and put her hand on mine. „Do you want to talk about it?“  
„I don‘t know how“, I confessed, tears now streaming down my face and soaking my bread. Gross. „I never even considered that something like this could happen. Not with him.“  
„I‘m sure this is all just a misunderstanding-“, Nadia began, but I snorted.  
„I know what I heard, Nadia. There was no misunderstanding to be had.“ I tore of a chunk of the now soggy bread and shoved it into my mouth, trying not to gag. Then I lowered my hands again, looking at my reflection in the polished golden goblet in front of me.  
God, I looked wrecked.  
„Asra came to the palace this morning, before the sun was even up, and asked for you.“  
„And what did you tell him?“  
„That he should come back later, when you were sober and able to articulate yourself again.“  
I looked at my plate. „He tried to contact me via my dreams, as well. But I blocked him out.“ My hand tightened into a fist. „I never want to see him again. Him or… or...“ My voice trailed off. I couldn‘t even bring myself to say his name. Instead, I just started crying again.  
All of the things he and I had planned… everything we had done. Had all of that just been a big lie?  
Nadia gave my hand an encouraging pat. „I‘m so sorry“, she whispered under her breath. „It pains me to see you in this state.“  
I wiped the tears from my face. „Thank you, Nadia. Your compassion means a lot to me.“ After a brief silence, I continued:„I might leave Vesuvia for a bit. Just to clear my head. If Asra or Muriel come here, please tell them that.“  
„Are you sure?“, Nadia asked, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. „Maybe you should just talk to them.“  
„I‘m not sure if I can. I don‘t want to escalate the situation any further.“ I got up from the table. „Thank you for your loving care, Nadia. And I hope we‘ll see each other again, soon.“  
„And there‘s nothing I can do to persuade you to stay?“, she inquired.  
„Nothing, I fear.“ And with that, I left the dining room.

Who would I run into on my way out of the palace if not Asra? He was looking quite frazzled, and let out an audible gasp when he saw me.  
„Cora, you look terrible.“  
I just froze up and stared at him like a rabbit after being grabbed by the scruff of the neck. How was I supposed to react? With anger? Sadness? Or maybe I should let him explain?  
Asra sighed when he saw the conflict on my face. „Well, this is a fine mess we got ourselves in. Ilya came to the shop this morning and told me what happened. Muriel is absolutely inconsolable. He believes that he is to blame for your little escapade last night.“  
„You know, instead of prattling on like that, maybe you should just explain what you two were talking about, and I‘ll save my judgements for after that?“, I asked, maybe a bit more aggressively than I intended, and tensed up my shoulders. But screw it. I was still heartbroken and hungover.  
„Muriel asked me to help him with proposing to you.“ Asra‘s face was lit up by a small smile. „That‘s all there is to it. He just asked me to not spoil the surprise.“  
„But then why did Muriel say that he was afraid of how I might react?“  
„Fear of rejection. You know him; he has a habit of always expecting the worst. And besides, as much as I cherish Muriel, I wouldn‘t sleep with him. Have you not noticed? Ilya and I are currently trying to mend our relationship.“  
I felt myself deflate as all of the self-righteous anger left me. „Oh shit.“ So I had been throwing a Lucio-worthy temper tantrum over basically nothing. „Where‘s Muriel? I need to talk to him. Need to apologize.“  
„He went back to the forest.“ Asra grabbed my shoulders and gave them an affectionate squeeze. „Don‘t beat yourself up over this. Misunderstandings happen.“  
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. „Thank you, Asra. And I‘m sorry for the ruckus I caused.“

There was a warm glow flickering in between the boards that made up our front door. I could hear the hectic sound of a carving knife slicing through wood from the inside. I opened the door, stepped in and closed it again.  
„Muriel?“  
He looked up, his face twitching as if he was in actual, physical pain. He was sitting on the mass of furs that we called our bed, and was whittling away at a small block of wood that was already starting to resemble a hare.  
You‘ll cut your hands if you keep this up while looking at me, I thought, but didn‘t want to berate him after all that had happened.  
„Ow“, he growled lowly as the tip of the blade caught the tip of his finger. I stepped over to him, knelt down right next to his legs and took the cut hand into both of my hands, gently bringing my lips to the wound. It was just a tiny cut, barely deep or wide enough to bleed.  
I loved the way his hands felt. Huge, big enough for one hand of his to envelop both of mine, and rough from handling weapons and tools a lot.  
I looked up, and our eyes met for a brief moment. Then he looked away.  
„I‘m so sorry“, I whispered, pulling myself up until I could hug him. Even when seated, he was so much bigger than me. Broader, too. I always felt so safe in his arms. „I should have stayed and asked what this was all about. I never meant to hurt you. Or Asra.“  
Muriel carefully placed the carving knife and the half-finished figure on the shelf above the bed and wrapped his arms around me. „No, I should apologize. If I had just worked up the courage to ask what I wanted to ask you, you wouldn‘t be in the state you‘re in right now.“ He ran his hand through my tangled, dirty hair.  
I chuckled quietly. „I know. I‘m a complete mess right now. Can we please go to the lake later so I can wash up?“  
„Of course“, he replied and got up, with me still in his arms. „I think I could use a bath, too.“

Despite my rather weak protest, he carried me all the way to the small lake where we usually bathed and did our laundry. With Lucio gone, the forest had become much safer. Even most of the more dangerous animals were quite friendly with us.  
He gently lowered me onto the ground, but pulled me back into his embrace before I could start to get out of my clothes. Him being so overly physically affectionate was usually a sign that he was distressed… and after the last night, I couldn‘t blame him.  
His hands wandered, from my shoulders, down to my waist, then to my hips. All of it slowly, deliberately, as if he was afraid of scaring me off again. Both his index fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt and carefully pulled it up, over my head.  
I closed my eyes, wanting to feel everything as he hooked his thumbs into the hem of my trousers and pulled them down. I just had to lift my feet to step out of them. Then he let go of my, and I heard the rustling as he got rid of his loincloth and the mass of belts he wore around his chest.  
I opened my eyes and there he stood, in all his naked glory. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. It had taken a long time until Muriel had been comfortable with me seeing him naked, but the view was worth the wait. He took my hand and led me into the water. I had to start swimming long before he did, but once we reached the point where even he couldn‘t stand anymore, we just let ourselves float. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest, as if we were laying in bed. He let his left hand run up and down my back, and I stroked his chest, let my hand wander down over his abs, following the happy trail down to his resting manhood. He twitched slightly and let out a quiet grunt.  
„Muriel“, I whispered, his name leaving my lips with the husky undertone of desire.  
He lifted his torso, so we could swim to a point where both of us could stand again. I wanted to move closer to him, to kiss him, but he held me in place.  
„Do you trust me?“, he asked.  
My heart dropped a little. I wanted to say yes, but my actions of the past night spoke differently. „I want to.“  
„Then just close your eyes and let me guide you.“  
I nervously licked my lips, but complied. It was unusual for Muriel to take the lead. But not in a bad way; I got even more excited at the prospect of him being more dominant.  
He took me into his arms like a groom would carry his bride and gently lowered me into the water until my face was the only think above the surface. One arm kept supporting my back, while he used the other hand to gently wash the grime and dirt from last night out of my hair. Once that was done, he carried me towards the shore until lowering me again, this time in much shallower water that barely covered my entire body laying down. His rough, calloused hands ran up and down my body, and I realized that he was washing me. Washing away the last remnants of last night, the sweat and the tears. It felt so good, every movement of his hands heating up my nether region. When I tried to take a peek at him, he covered my eyes with his hand.  
„Shhh. Keep them closed.“ The he leaned over and kissed me. He tasted of black mead… he probably drank a bit of it during the night. Once he released my lips, I mumbled:„What about you?“  
He pulled me into an upright position and unto his lap, and that‘s when I felt him twitch between us already. We kissed again, a bit more roughly this time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his, desperate to feel and taste him as much as I could. He groaned as my stomach rubbed against his manhood, and the sound only intensified the heat pooling at my core.  
„I want you.“ That was all I could say and think.  
He lowered me on my back again, but this time, he followed me, positioning himself between my spread legs. I wrapped them around his midsection.  
„Muriel.. please...“  
I could already feel the tip at my entrance, the tense anticipation rippling through my body and almost sending me over the edge already.  
Then, with one agonizingly slow stroke, he buried himself inside me, and I cried out in bliss. No matter how many times I slept with him, the sheer size of him never ceased to amaze me. He did not just hit one sweet spot, he hit all of them.  
I wanted to see him so badly, but I kept my eyes closed, as he wished. Good thing that I had already commited the face he usually made during these moments to memory. The hot flush on his face, his eyes unfocused and glazed over.  
His thrusts were slow and deliberate, the movement making my pleasure build up and recede like the tides. He wanted to draw it out as much as he could, and I adored him for that.  
His breath was getting quicker, just like mine was, and as he lost control enough to start thrusting at a quicker pace, I finally dared to open my eyes. The look on his face was absolutely sinful, his cheeks flushed red and his eyes glazed over and unfocused, his mouth slightly open to take short, gasping breaths. Who knew that my Muriel could look so lewd?  
But the view couldn‘t distract me for long. I felt the heat build up in my body to the point where I couldn‘t bear it anymore, and with a hoarse cry, I reached my peak, walls spasming around Muriel until he, too, died the little death.

We lay there for a good while, gasping for breath and trying to come down from the high of our climax. I kissed him again; gently this time, and he returned the kiss in kind. How could I have ever distrusted him? Him, the man who made me so happy, and kept me so safe?  
„Come, let‘s go home“, he murmured.


End file.
